(© 2023 Alison Laycock)
Sophie stood further back, allowing her mum some time to gather her thoughts. Her mum hadn’t been back here for a few years and she had finally relented to Sophie coming too.
As she approached, Sophie could hear her mum talking out loud, something Sophie had grown used to over the years whenever her mum talked to her loved ones who had passed. She often told Sophie how reassuring and comforting it was, as if it brought her mum and nan close to her once more.
As Sophie drew closer, her mum turned ‘This is where we scattered my mum’s and nan’s ashes and in that moment a breeze came and blew them back on us like a hug before some went in the water.’
Sophie had heard many stories about her mum’s family, however there were still some memories her mum found hard to talk about. Generally, there would be humour and love in her voice when she reminisced but Sophie always felt that her mum held back her true sadness to protect them both. Not wanting to push too hard, Sophie placed her hand over her mum’s, quietly asking ‘apart from family, who else was here on that day mum?’
Sophie felt her mum’s smile without even turning and knows her mum has drifted back to that day, ‘Some of mum’s friends joined us and some who would have been there had already passed throughout the years. I hadn’t seen her friends for years as I lived and worked abroad after nan died so hadn’t returned here for about 8 years or so. There were so many more who could have been there if we’d done it earlier.’
Sophie’s mum turns to Sophie to continue her reminiscing out loud, ‘Mum loved coming here. She had the space to be herself and there were many tales of laughter, fun and chats with her friends. They all had so much love for each other and great friendships were formed.’
Sophie sees the tears glistening in her mum’s eyes and asks the question she’s always wanted to hear the answer to ‘it must have been hard to lose them both, how did you cope afterwards?’
Sophie’s mum smiles sadly ‘The thing is darling, when you lose someone you love, the love doesn’t leave you. There isn’t a day when I don’t think of my mum and nan. A memory will come, I’ll hear a voice or a smell will waft by which takes me right back to them.’
Sophie wants to know why they hadn’t been here together before and only realises that she has asked the question out loud, when her mum starts to answer.
‘You know, even if you don’t acknowledge certain dates they still come and get you. After mum died, her anniversary would mean oblivion to me, I’d drink myself to the point of passing out as that’s what I knew from family and how my parents had dealt with their emotions. Then I happened to mention it to a friend one year and she made me see that mum wouldn’t want that at all. Since then, I’ve done something positive instead. One year, I walked the Camino de Santiago and it was on mum’s anniversary that I arrived in Finisterre and another year for nan’s birthday I climbed Jacob’s ladder on St Helena island. The only choice you have in the end is who you will be on those days, how will you mark it.’
Sophie realises how tiring this must be for her mum and starts to suggest making their way back to the car, but her mum tightens her grip on her arm and continues ‘Some of us see the passing of time through our children’s birthdays, others through their own birthdays, wedding anniversaries or such like. Often, I’ll catch myself thinking of what’s happened since mum and nan passed away. How has my life changed? What have I achieved that they haven’t been there for? I’ve shared every event with them though as I’ve taken them with me for the special times through an item of clothing, a bit of jewellery and of course there is you, my darling’.
Sophie feels the warm glow in her stomach as she knows this part of her mum’s story, this she has heard many times over the years and each time she feels the love within it and she urges her mum to continue.
‘As you know, Sophie Maria Marlene, you’re named after them as they weren’t here to meet you, but they remain with us through you in many other ways. They would love you so much, you have the same spirit, same laugh that stands out in a crowd and that ability to make others feel valued and relaxed whoever, however and wherever they are. Now let’s head home, I’m glad we did this together today.’
Being the Best You Can Be 
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